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Tuesday, August 7, 2012

I never thought..

I never thought that I would be watching my baby go through surgery.. Or that I would have to leave her every single night and worry about who was taking care of her. I will never get over the empty feeling that it brings me every night.  I never thought that I wouldn't be able to hold her for almost a month. It's hard to not wish things were different, but I have had many confirmations that there is a plan. 

Sometimes my heart aches to watch what she is going through. I wish I could be going through it instead. I find comfort in hoping that she won't remember it. I worry that she has forgotten me because she has just been laying in her bed for a whole month.

Tomorrow or Thursday Ellie could be having surgery again.

Ellie a day before surgery:
Right after surgery (a 9-10 hour surgery)

I'm really happy that she will be having her next repair done soon. I'm scared to watch her go through it all again. The swelling, the paralytics, the morphine withdrawal..

Through this process, I have learned that there are always angels with us and with Ellie.. Some have been people that have been there for us and have helped us out. Some have been Heavenly angels. I am grateful for all of the people who have so generously given to us. I am so grateful to know that we are never left alone and that my little Ellie isn't alone when we aren't there with her.

6 comments:

  1. You guys are doing so well hanging in there. Ellie has done so great with all she has been through! We love her so so much and you! Our prayers are with her every day.

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  2. Thank you for your amazing strength . It builds me so! She is a constant on my mind and in my prayers!

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  3. That made me tear up. It was so good to visit with you guys today. Ellie is incredibly beautiful and I am so glad I got to meet her. You guys are great examples to us! We love you all and you are in our prayers!

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  4. There are so many people praying for your little family here and on the other side. I'm so grateful for Little Ellie and her strength and goodness and for Dad and Mom. She does remember you and Ismael and is anxious to have you hold and care for her. I love you all and miss being there with you but you are always in my thoughts and prayers. Ellie is strong and Heavenly Father is watching over all of you.

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  5. You and Ismael are so strong. I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you. Thank you for sharing some of your thoughts throughout this experience. Your little family is an inspiration to so many. We are saying prayers for you.

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  6. We have been praying so hard for you and Ismeal and Ellie. I keep crying every time I look at Ellie's pictures. It breaks my heart. But I really feel like everything will be okay. Ellie really is so beautiful!

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